In a previous post titled, “Finding Your Strength in Forgiveness” we talked about forgiving others and not carrying resentment. That’s a tough topic, but you know what can be even harder than forgiving others?
Forgiving ourselves.
We all have moments from our past we wish we could erase. We’ve all made mistakes, carry regrets, and live with decisions we wish we could take back. Not always getting it right is part of being human.
Memories from the past can weigh heavily on our hearts, making it difficult to move forward. It’s easy to be our own harshest critic, but holding onto self-blame and guilt only stunts your growth and happiness.
The mind is an amazing thing. When it’s working in our favor, we love remembering the good times. But sometimes we remember the bad ones too. And a little too vividly.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is to learn self compassion. You don’t need permission to forgive yourself. But if you’re waiting for someone to tell you it’s ok to let go of your past mistakes and regrets…
It’s ok to let go and forgive yourself.
Ready to try? Here are a few steps you can take to develop a kinder relationship with yourself.
Practice Mindful Self-Awareness: According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading expert in self compassion research (Yeah! There’s a whole field on this stuff.), mindfulness involves observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Studies prove this practice helps reduce self-criticism and boosts emotional regulation. Start by noticing your inner self-talk. Are you being overly harsh on yourself? Shift your focus to more kind and supportive thoughts.
Learn Self-Kindness: Research shows that people who practice self-kindness experience lower levels of anxiety and depression. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would give a close friend. When you make a mistake, instead of beating yourself up about it, acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.
Incorporate Positive Affirmations: Write down a few affirmations that resonate with you, like “I am enough” or “I am worthy of forgiveness, love, and kindness.” Repeat them to yourself, especially when you’re feeling down. Believe what you’re saying.
Recognize You Are Not Your Thoughts: Thoughts are just mental events. Often, they’re not even true. Your brain can evolve a memory into something that didn’t even happen. While your thoughts are a part of you, remember that they don’t define you. If you’re being haunted by something from the past, recognize that these thoughts are not necessarily accurate reflections of reality. Acknowledge them without judgment and let them pass.
Action Step
If you’re dealing with something you can’t let go of, try starting a compassion journal. Every day this week write down a time when you were hard on yourself. Reflect on how you could have approached the situation with self compassion instead of self-criticism.
Write a compassionate response to yourself as if you were speaking to a close friend. Doing this can reinforce kinder self-talk and promote a habit of self compassion.
Being compassionate towards yourself means recognizing your worth, being kind to yourself during difficult times, and understanding that imperfections are part of being human. This small (but not always easy) shift in mindset can help you break the cycle of self-criticism and promote a healthier, happier you.
Practicing self compassion not only improves your relationship with yourself but also improves your ability to empathize with others who need you. When you’re kind to yourself, it’s easier to extend that kindness to those around you.
Be good to yourself. You deserve to be your own best friend.
