Let’s make today matter by changing your perspective on something so many of us find difficult to do.
I’m talking about two of the hardest words to say. Words that are so heavy and uncomfortable, that make us feel so vulnerable and exposed, most of us choose not to say them at all.
I’m sorry.
In a previous article, we explored the power and freedom that comes from learning to forgive and let go of resentment. But have you ever considered that taking responsibility for your own wrongdoings can be equally beneficial for your mental health?
Most people look at apologizing as a weakness. Research by Psychology Today shows the reluctance to apologize is often tied to concerns about diminishing oneself or giving up power and control.
Apologizing means letting your guard down, leaving you open to rejection and hurt. What happens if you apologize and they don’t accept? What if they’re angry and still want to hold a grudge?
Let them… and respect it.
You can only control your actions, not the actions, reactions, and emotions of others.
An apology alone doesn’t erase hurt or make your actions ok. What it does establish, is that you know your actions or words were wrong and that you’ll make an effort to prevent them from happening again.
A sincere apology is about taking accountability and expressing regret and remorse. It’s not something you say for the sole purpose of repairing a relationship.
That’s the difference between an apology and just saying, “I’m sorry.”
But if it’s so hard to say it, and there’s the chance of being hurt, why take the risk?
Apologizing is not showing weakness. It shows your strength and maturity. By admitting to someone what you’ve said or done is wrong, regardless of the outcome, you’re admitting to yourself that you have room for self-improvement.
This act of humility and courage can be incredibly freeing. It breaks down the walls of pride and defensiveness and opens the door to personal growth and stronger, more genuine relationships in the future.
Reflection and apologizing leads to a deeper understanding of yourself and others, strengthening your self-awareness and emotional resilience.
In fact, the same study by Psychology Today that showed why people don’t like to apologize also gives proof that those who do apologize have higher self-esteem, suffer from less stress and guilt, and are perceived by others as more trustworthy and responsible.
Those don’t sound like the characteristics of a weak person to me. Wouldn’t you agree?
The Big Three in an Apology
There are three important aspects to a genuine apology.
1) Don’t Make Excuses: Take full responsibility for your words or actions without shifting blame or making excuses. “I’m sorry, I was just tired and hungry,” or “I’m sorry IF you felt hurt,” are not sincere apologies.
Own up to what you said or did clearly and honestly. Even if the other person was also in the wrong, take responsibility for your part without expecting an apology on their part.
2) Show Remorse: Express genuine regret and empathy for how your actions affected the other person. Let them know you truly understand the impact of your behavior. Acknowledge their feelings and the harm you may have caused.
Instead of saying “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” use statements like, “I deeply regret the words I used and wish I could take them back.” This demonstrates you’re aware of the emotional toll your words or actions have taken on them.
3) Commitment to Change: This is probably the most important aspect of a sincere apology and the part most people don’t do. Let the person know the specific actions you’ll take to prevent the same mistake from happening again. This shows you’re serious about making amends and demonstrates your dedication to personal growth so you can improve your behavior and prevent future harm.
If you have a habit of repeatedly losing your temper in arguments, show you’re willing to speak to a professional about controlling your anger. If you’ve broken trust, ask what you can do right now to start rebuilding their trust, regardless of how long it might take.
The important thing in an apology is to set aside your pride. Remember that apologizing isn’t just about the other person but about also improving yourself and your mental well-being.
No one ever became a better version of themselves by refusing to take accountability.
Action Step
This week do some deep self-reflection about someone you’ve hurt. This could be in the past or in your present life. Are you carrying around guilt, shame, and regret that you hurt that person? If not, there’s no need to do anything. But if you are, it’s time to let it go.
Here’s how…
1) Acknowledge Your Feelings: Take some time to sit with your emotions. Are there feelings of guilt or regret that have been weighing at the back of your mind? Try writing this person a sincere apology. You don’t have to send it to them. Just the act of writing out your feelings can help you process and understand your emotions better, giving you a sense of relief and clarity.
2) Make Contact: If you feel it’s necessary, reach out to the person you’ve hurt and offer a sincere apology. Use the Big Three Apology principles, don’t make excuses, show remorse, and commit to change. Even if they don’t accept your apology, you’ll have taken an important step toward your own healing and personal growth.
3) Learn and Let Go: Reflect on what you’ve learned from this experience and how you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future. Commit to personal growth so you can develop healthier habits and stronger relationships. If your apology didn’t result in reconciliation or forgiveness, still recognize the growth opportunity this situation has given you.
If the only thing you take away from this post, I hope it’s this…
Apologizing is a strength. It not only shows your empathy for other people but it also gives you the opportunity to grow while letting go of the feelings of regret that don’t serve you.
We all make mistakes, but so few of us have the strength to admit them. Show your strength and you’ll find yourself to be a much more emotionally resilient and happier person for it.
